honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
