Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
