after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
