You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
