I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
