either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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