someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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