I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
