and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
