awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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