Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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