I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
