I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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