Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
