A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
