I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
