so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
