There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
