There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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