where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
