I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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