is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
