I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He has the fingertips of a God
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