My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
wow bdsm is so cute
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
