Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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