is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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