Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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