thus making me awesome and them whores
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
