just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
