he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
