Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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