I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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