hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
