I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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