and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
