i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
