Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
