I bet he comes in French.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
