i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
