We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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