I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
