Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
