I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
