very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
