Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
