I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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