My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
