I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
