What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
