me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We have so much sex to catch up on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
