I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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