I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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